New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
