Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize