Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.