So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.