Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

(303): View more from Colorado

She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky

Replies (4) Good night (1283) Bad night (506)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

(1-302): View more from Delaware

You mean inside out.

(302): View more from Delaware

No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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(302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. http://tfl.nu/eio3

Replies (20) Good night (7567) Bad night (976)
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(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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(858): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass http://tfl.nu/zzr1

Replies (19) Good night (3250) Bad night (769)
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(425): View more from Washington

Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.

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(425): Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility. http://tfl.nu/j5r5

Replies (14) Good night (2778) Bad night (531)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

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(919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w

Replies (20) Good night (4353) Bad night (981)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life

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(507): Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life http://tfl.nu/jtus

Replies (21) Good night (3502) Bad night (586)
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(630): View more from Illinois

if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.

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(630): if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless. http://tfl.nu/ek5m

Replies (11) Good night (2664) Bad night (1982)
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(347): View more from New York

So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok

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(347): So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok http://tfl.nu/ez1i

Replies (6) Good night (1308) Bad night (2410)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.

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(612): She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again. http://tfl.nu/aifk

Replies (13) Good night (1849) Bad night (667)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

my head hurts. i need an adult

(225): View more from Louisiana

and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult

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(225): my head hurts. i need an adult (225): and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult http://tfl.nu/wl1h

Replies (4) Good night (1952) Bad night (615)
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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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(281): I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that. http://tfl.nu/d3y7

Replies (7) Good night (508) Bad night (1330)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.

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(816): I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap. http://tfl.nu/otej

Replies (4) Good night (409) Bad night (1022)
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(443): View more from Maryland

The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.

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(443): The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts. http://tfl.nu/2k5o

Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (812)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...

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(701): Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter... http://tfl.nu/1omr

Replies (0) Good night (608) Bad night (233)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.

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(479): I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home. http://tfl.nu/t2fg

Replies (7) Good night (325) Bad night (805)

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