i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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