I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
