I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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