I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
