oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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