dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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