I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
