Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
