Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
