We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
