I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
