friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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