Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
