One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
