I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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