You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
