I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
