my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
