I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
