the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
