I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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