It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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