There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
