Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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