and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
