girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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