she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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