I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
