He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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