I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
