Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
