Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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