I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
