Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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