k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
