party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
