I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
