My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
