what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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