I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
