...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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