I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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