My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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