When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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