I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
