angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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