You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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