i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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