omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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