i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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