proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
