Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
