I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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