i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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