I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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