What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
