brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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