I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
