Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
