Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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