If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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