i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize