when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
