i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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