we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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